$1.45 a Gallon - Hold Me Back!

No...really...hold me back.

Take my car keys away. Help me remember how committed I was to driving slower, consolidating trips, and working from home when gas was $4.00 a gallon. And while you're at it, don't let me buy ice cream.

I feel a little like a child who insists on playing with a sharp knife. I cut my finger, just a little; it hurt and it bled and it scared me. But then the bleeding stopped and I didn't need stitches and it healed and now the knife is looking all shiny and pretty again. If I ignore the painful but relatively gentle warning and play with the knife again, will I cut my finger off next time, or fall on the blade and impale myself on my own stubborn refusal to behave?

When gas went to $4.00 a gallon, I heard the warning and put the shiny toy down. We drove so much less and so much slower. I didn't run to the store every time I had a creative urge to cook something and needed just one more ingredient. My employer was gracious enough to let me start working from home part of the time, cutting another 45 mile round trip out of every day. Not only did we save money, but I could almost feel the trees on our hilltop property breathing easier, saying, "Thanks!"

Ah, but as soon as gas went down again, I saw the shiny and started reaching for it. Filling my tank for $30 instead of $80 made me feel all healed up. With giddy, guilty glee, I pointed my full to the brim mechanical chariot toward unnecessary destinations at unduly high speeds because it only cost me $30 and it was shiny and pretty and fun.

I'm getting the same warnings about my hard-earned weight loss. I've put back just a few pounds of it and I can feel the effects. Not good. Not good at all. I lost all that weight and got to feeling good and in control and smart enough to know I could splurge a little now and then...and then again...and now...and now and again. Now I'm struggling to get back into a healthy eating pattern again before I have to go wrestle my friends for all the too-big clothes I gave away. That would not be pretty.

Everything about my life right now feels like I'm at the, "Ok, I warned you!" stage, that split second of decision time just before your common sense takes over and pulls you back or you go for it anyway and the tale, should you live to tell it, starts with, "See, what had happened was..."

The gas spike had a domino effect at our house. At nearly $80 a tankful at peak prices, our budget took a hit. Prices on some items we buy regularly, like diet soda, went up and have stayed up. We made adjustments, switched to store brands, bought less. We didn't suffer, mind you...just shifted to a more conservative spending pattern. Same with the weight loss. We didn't suffer. I cooked more at home, made healthier meals, smarter snack choices, exercised more. Because we went out less, we spent more time at home getting stuff done and being together.

It probably comes as no surprise that we actually enjoyed ourselves. Driving slower is less stressful; driving less is bliss. Spending less wasn't painful; it was kind of fun to see how creative we could be. Healthy food is delicious, fresh and light and tasty. I looked forward to my daily walks. So why oh why would we go back to the old ways?

For that matter, why would any of us? Did you make adjustments when gas was so pricey? Have you kept them up? At $4.00 a gallon or $1.45, driving is no bargain. You could make gasoline free and it wouldn't reduce the damage we do every time we fire up Bessie in the driveway. And just because I have the money back in my budget now that gas has gone back down doesn't mean I have to spend it. If we were happy and healthy on less, why spend more? I have plenty of bills and debt that would benefit from the application of a little more cash each month. And before you raise the, "We need to spend to stimulate the economy!" flag, I'm not talking about hording money under my mattress (though I really wish my 401K had been under my mattress); I'm talking about spending wisely and paying down debt. Reducing debt is good for any economy, and environmental and health concerns don't experience recession.

This is my public commitment to not going back to my pre-warning ways. I'm going to drive less, spend less, eat better, and exercise more. I'm going to start right now by walking away from the computer and getting in a light workout before I start work. I'm working from home, keeping one vehicle off the road today.

We've all been given plenty of warning and now the warnings are getting dire. I challenge you to look at where you are now. Are you playing with the shiny knife again? Put it down! Walk away! There are lots of fun things to do without impaling ourselves on our bad habits.

Beautiful place...beautiful attitude...

A small piece of my weight loss puzzle revealed itself yesterday.

I have been actively exercising for several months now. In the last couple of weeks, however, I've not done a thing. Sciatica has sidelined me for a little while, but I made up my mind that I would walk yesterday regardless. My husband helped by playfully saying, "...after you finish your walk," after every statement. He's good that way.

So I walked across the Walnut Street Bridge when I left work. Total walk was about a mile and a quarter...walked about 30 minutes so not a fast pace but not strolling. I thought I'd share a little of that walk with you, a 360-degree view of the beauty surrounding me...

Isn't this just an amazing place to live, work, and play? Stunning!

More importantly, I learned something really important. The last few weeks have been a struggle to stay on plan with Weight Watchers. I thought maybe I was just bored, but that's not it. I'm a good cook, I enjoy cooking, and there's plenty of variety to be had. No, it was something I couldn't put my finger on, and it was powerful enough that I was wondering if I'd reached the end of my weight loss.

But when I walked yesterday...what an eye-opener! My resolve, my excitement about feeling better and being strong, healthy, and capable came rushing back with every step! My usual stop at the grocery store didn't result in the usual urges to buy everything and eat it all immediately. I was hungry and still experienced a remarkable lack of craving. I was happy to go home and enjoy a healthy dinner, content that I was doing good things for my body.

We're told frequently that exercise is good for us and that it's the key to sustainable weight loss. What they don't tell us is that it redefines your world view. I don't know exactly how it works, but when I've had a good walk, I don't want to put junk into my body. I want to treat me like the goddess I am and be good to myself with nutritious food that doesn't contribute directly to obesity. And I don't experience the cravings for sugary junk that have plagued me lately.

Who knew? Well, I guess the experts did...but maybe I wasn't listening. I am definitely listening now.

61 Steps...

...that's how many steps at the back entrance to my office building.

I started a weight loss journey in November 2007. Among my goals is a raised level of fitness, mobility, energy, and agility. Those 61 steps have kicked my butt far too long!

I'm proud to say that, as of Monday, May 12, I've lost 66 pounds and I'm feeling TERRIFIC! I'm still a little winded at the top of those stairs, but nothing like the wheezing wreck I used to be. More importantly, I no longer avoid them. I used to go around the world to not have to climb those stairs and I avoided hills when walking with the same determination. No more...now I look at a hill in my walking route and think, "Cool!" It's actually fun to climb. I feel strong and proud of myself.

Weight Watchers has been the best thing I've ever done for myself and my health. Still, after six months, it's getting harder to stay focused. The program works and I'm not on a diet. I'm learning to live differently. The realization that this is my life now and not some temporary inconvenience that will go away when the weight goes away has been an emotional thing for me. It's like the nurse educator here told me recently in a candid conversation about weight loss and health. She said, "You know now; and once you know, you can't un-know. You'll never be able to just eat with reckless abandon again. You might do it, but the knowledge of what you're doing to your body will be there, and it changes you."

She's right. I can't go back. For me, that's a loss. I miss being on a road trip with my husband and stopping at our favorite buffet. I miss picking up a bucket of chicken and going to the lake. I miss random junk food. And I can hear you out there..."You said it was your life, not a diet. That means you can have those things, just in moderation." I hear you and I concur and I actually do have some of those things from time to time. I think the loss I'm really grieving is the one my nurse friend talked about. I miss the ability to do something bad for me without feeling guilty and conflicted about it. I miss being able to enjoy all the wonderful foods my friends prepare for feast after ritual without having to think about how much fat or fiber or how many calories.

Portion control is not a natural state for me. I'm not someone who naturally selects smaller portions of richer foods because that's all I want. I want more! If one is good, two is better, and what the hell, have three! I'm learning (still, after six months) to listen to my body and respond to signals of being satisfied, but they've been shushed for so long I think they're a little afraid to speak up. And the funny thing is...I have NO idea how that came to be. Well...that's not entirely true. I have some ideas...theories, really...but I've not decided yet if any of them really hold water.

Maybe that's a post for another time. In the meantime, I had a nice lunch and it's time to get back to work. Thanks for listening...more to come.